Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My pussy is not your playground.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
