worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You're like the curious george of whores
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
