So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
