he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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