He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
