Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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