remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
