I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
