Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
