I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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