you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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