you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
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