I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
