I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
