okay pat passed out under dana's car
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
