2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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