To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
