No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
His hands were made for my vagina.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize