I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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