if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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