Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
