Can Purell be used as lube?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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