I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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