Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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