I didn't shave. On purpose
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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