Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
birth control should be required to get into college
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
