Heybabeimwearingurpanties
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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