So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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