Old men and throwing up are my life now.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
