Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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