I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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