We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
