I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
