My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
