just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
