One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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