The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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