im six kinds of drunk right now
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
