therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
