And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
