So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Still dying that you shit outside
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
