I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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