between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
