this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
