when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
