I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
