well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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