my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
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