Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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