whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
