I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
