PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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