Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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