he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
