i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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