idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
