I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
