It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
