Where is the hickey?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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