i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize