I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
