You really coming over, don't trick.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
