imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
