I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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