Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
