Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
