I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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