The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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