I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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