legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
