you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
