I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
