She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
