Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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