sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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