it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
