also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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