so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
