I will die if light touches me.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
