if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
