Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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