My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just googled if crying burns calories
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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