The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I am midnight drunk by noon
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
