It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
