i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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