I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
